The Echoes

Burdening memories.

Not that she should forget them,

But,

people who hold her in their memories, should.

Memories,

burdening the shoulders.

She cannot just shrug them away.

They are deeply rooted into her body.

She has to pay the penance.

But, how?

By enduring?

Is there a way to redeem herself?

Is there a way to have freedom from memories?

Is there?

Can only hear the echoes of questions,

not the answers to them.

There are many sleepless nights.

And, dreamless sleeps'.

The void.

A voice telling her she doesn't belong here.

What's the response she's supposed to give?

That she should endure this?

Or that she knows... She doesn't belong here.

Waking up from dreamless sleep,

Finding herslef covered with scars.

What do scars tell you?

Stories?

No.

They tell you that she endured the pain.

She didnt fight back.

She isn't a rebel.

She is a girl, enduring the pain,

for the mistakes she did, for the painful memories she'd made for others.

She felt she deserved them.

But, did she really?

What happens to the cruelty that the world showed on her?

How could she find a right way without trodding upon the wrong path?

How?

Again, the echoes, and no answers.

Oh god, the endurance.

Oh god, the memories.

Oh god.

Many interests, Less time!

I had a chat with one of my facebook friend the other day. We were chatting about our interests, hobbies and ambitions in our lives. I came to know that he shares most of my interests and hobbies! I felt glad to meet such a friend of similar tastes.

Other than science, I am also interested in things which a girl is usually interested in. Things like drawing, painting, playing keyboard, poetry, reading books, watching a lot of movies, swimming, riding a bicycle, craft work like making our own jewellery from scraps of old jewellery and so on…too many to list here. Every day another new interest which challenges my brain or amuses me is added into the list. Sometimes, I feel like making few of these hobbies as my career. Earn money by doing that hobby all my life. I want to become a writer. A librarian, so that I can keep reading all my life, lost in my own world with them. An artist, painting the reflection of a thought coming to my mind or captured by my soul. Starting business related to jewellery because a pretty woman always searches for something which compliments her beauty. Sometimes, I want to become a nutritionist. I love to own some acres of land and become a farmer from where I get most of my food which is organic. I love to teach, so I want to become a teacher. I love to travel, so I want to travel lot many places and want to teach as many students as possible in different states of my country.

There are many hobbies which I want to do all my life! Such things put me in confusion! I feel like, why do I even have these interests in my life? I feel happy for I can do a lot of things. But, then it bugs me because I have to leave most of them to pursue my chosen career after few years and don’t find time to do most of the things which I want to do. I know I can make some time for the things I want to do the most, but life doesn’t treat you fairly always.

I am jealous of those people who have one goal to reach in their life. I am jealous for they can put all the energy they have only to achieve it and not getting distracted from other things. I am jealous of people who have a clear vision about the thing which they feel as ‘life’ to them.

Wish, I had such clear vision to achieve something in particular, an absolute one. But, NO! I don’t have an absolute thing to reach in my life. I want to achieve many things, be many things in my life. I just wish, I knew the way! I hope, time can give me the answer which I need.

Sunday Scribblings - Page 5 of 365

Well, well, well…

Its been a long.. I mean very LONG time since I wrote anything on my blog!!

Ah, it feels almost alone and empty! I’m sorry for my readers too. I know that I lost some of the regular readers.. But, I hope I could make it upto them in this post.

I wish you a happy new year, belated ofcourse. To be frank, I wasn’t enthusiastic to welcome this new year.. It doesn’t yet seem like a new year to me. The reason I am not writing much now a days is I don’t feel like writing anything or sharing anything. I was losing the intrest to share something from my personal life. And yeah, nothing was going well in past few months. But, it is getting better and better since few weeks. So, my present status is “I’m trying to be my old self again, which means to be happy”.

I didn’t make any particular resolutions this year and I’m happy to say that I did most of the things I ought to do in 2013. I got good grades in my academics which made my parents damn happy. And, they increased my pocket money as a reward. I’m happy for that! I lost weight!!! That’s a god damn good news to me every time I lose one kilo. Now, I weigh 56 kilos(I used to weigh 62 kilos). I should lose 6 more kilos and maintain it. I also lost 1 inch from my belly! Well, it doesn’t sound much of a thing to lose, but it makes a difference. Atleast, for girls. Many told that I look pretty now. Few said that they loved the chubby chubby personality of mine. For me, I should say that I look happy for losing some weight. In last year, I started studying too much now a days. Not for grades, but for my curiosity. I enrolled for some classes in Mathematics and Physics in coursera.org and edx.org. I recommend to everyone to learn something new from these websites. Its not about only science, but everything. Let it be about Art or music or architecture…They contain courses which are free for students to learn from International Universities. I am proud to say that I completed my Pre-Calculus and Calculus One courses and earned online certificates from University of Irvine and Ohio State University respectively. In 2013, I lost few of my friends due to some reasons but I’m happy to say that I’m doing good without them ‘cause I feel that I need not fight for people who doesn’t want me in their life. I felt stupid when I realized that fact. I felt like I wasted too much of time on them to make our relationship continue. But, everything was in vain. It was for nothing. I also met few great friends who taught me about the value of having a good relationship with people. I learnt a lot about relationships last year. I started spending time with my parents, specially with my mom. We have been to many places last year, spent money on shopping. We had fun eating in hotels and restaurants. I found a friend in my mom after all these years. When I was a kid, I read an article in newspaper and remember a quote from that which says ‘Parents can be friends with their children. But, first they should act like parents before trying to be a friend’. I felt like ‘Damn, someone read my mind!!’. My parents used to take extra care of me when I didn’t need that at all. But, now they don’t and they understood that very well. They give space for me to think and act on my own terms. They respect my decisions. I’m happy for things going well between me and my parents.

Hmm! So, these are few things from my 2013! Its been great and I learnt a lot without any doubt! I’m happy to write down all these in my blog. As a matter of fact, I miss writing about me. I miss penning down my thoughts and call them as poems. Haha. I miss it! I miss the comments from my readers.

So, one resolution which I want to make now is to keep writing and expressing my feelings on my blog more often. I hope you had a great year too, my lovely reader. I wish all happiness and luck in your new ventures!

Silence Prevails

Blowing wind,

Rustling leaves,

Chirping birds,

Rhythmic heart beats;

can be heard,

'cause silence prevailed.

Heavy breaths,

Jingling anklets,

Sound of papers,

Hum of a song;

can be heard,

'cause silence prevailed.

But, what about the things which cannot be heard?

The buried love?

The suppressed longing to see you?

Haiku - Fear

Fear: venomous weapon

To break a heart, and

The very soul.

The Urge..

Urge to cry aloud, letting out the pain.

Urge to talk with loved ones, feeling lovable.

Urge to play with kids, experiencing the innocence.

Urge to wander, exploring the world.

Urge to dance, showing the rhythm of my heart.

Urge to write, painting the feelings through words.

The reminders of my unforgotten love.

Roses,

Remind me the fragrance of your love.

Rain drops,

Amuse me the way as your touch does.

Sun rays,

Endow me the warmth of your hug.

Birds,

Their chirpings strike a chord of our lovely evening chats.

Wet feet in the beach,

Leave the impressions same as your kiss on my lips.

Trees,

Grant me the shade of your love.

The howling winds,

Are the cues of our silly fights.

A summer afternoon,

Symbolize the longing to meet you.

The horizon,

Prompts the illusion of our meeting.

What I did in 2012...

Made awesome friends.
Fell in love.
Cried for my love.
Chose a different path to reach my goal.
Had lots of parties and hang-outs.
Couldn't let go of people who fell in love with me.
Didn't enjoy the rain.
Came out of the illusion called 'love'.
Lost weight.
Less time for social networking, More for real people.
Changed my diet.
Read lots of  books.
Slept for 13 hours in a day.
Tried to smile often.
Explored my city.
Got interested in Archaeology,Geology,Architecture and Physics.
Wrote poems, blogged a lot!
Won a free voucher from KFC and a gift hamper from Dove.
Made my mother and father happy!
Made few rules for myself.
Exercised myself not to get addicted to any human relation.
Bad grades in college.
Teased a boy, a lot!
Became beauty conscious(not much, though).
Made people cry with my behavior.
Gave a kiss.
Embraced my boyfriend.
Played with a boy's hair.
Watched lots of hollywood movies.
Went into deep depression.
In 2012... I cried, I danced, I sang, I laughed. In short words, I enjoyed a great deal of every human emotion!

--

I wish, 2013 brings me and everyone .. sad moments, happy moments and more experience to lives!

Unbosoming's!

Here are my unbosoming's from life!


I haven't written for a while. Well, I wrote quite few posts in my blog, but, they are for blog's purpose. Just not to get out of the practice of writing.

I haven't written for a while from heart. Today, I am going to. Whatever comes in my head, right now.

Well, I'm starting to love physics and mathematics, like a mad person. I'm more interested in every minute detail of every formula that is existing in this universe. I'm more curious than ever before about our universe.

Another interesting story is that I'm stuck with the number '43'. I could see the number wherever I go, wherever I see. First, it annoyed me! 'Cuz its in the human nature, we can't easily accept a sudden recurrent change in our life, can we? NO! So, I took time. Very long time. 43 made me angry,happy,sad,curious. Why the hell I come across only that number in this whole world? Well, I'm going to find the perfect answer some day. May be, I found? Is it because of Fibonocci sequence? J.C. Maxwell's explanation? Um..do let me know, if you know!

I find myself happy now-a-days, if I go out with someone. If I'm doing some work. If I'm curious about something. But, I'm not happy by just sitting idle and thinking unnecessary thoughts(like i did few months back!). Why? How did I change my behavior all of a sudden? How did i became so studious curious girl? Is this because of losing a person in my life? Is this called realization? Or some sort of realization?

I don't feel anything. Yes! I don't feel anything, when someone says that they love me. When someone cries for me. When someone scolds me. When someone surprises me. In short, I don't feel any natural feeling. Why? Is this a mental illness? Am I cut off from something which is very important? What is that, then?

I'm not interested in sharing personal things. Why ofcourse, I was never interested in sharing personal things or sad things with my friends. Its better not to say anything to anyone and forget about it than disclosing all the worries of my life to them, which adds more 'moody' label on me. Well, now-a-days.. I'm not sharing not only personal things, but also anything in my life to anyone! Take gossips, I'm not at all interested in them. Whereas, I was interested few months back. Why not now? What happened to me? Am I a grown up now? Well, may be... or may not be! I'm more interested in productive things!

--

There Ends my Unbosoming's!

French Classes!

French classes, came to an end!

I started taking french classes, as it is my second language. First few days, it was easy to remember few words, but gradually it became difficult to add new vocabulary to my brain. Well, I love the pronunciation of the words, though. Learning a new language is a challenge to me and it refreshes me from other stress in my life.

I completed my first session in french. I'm in a dilemma whether to continue till 3rd session or not.

Six Word Saturday

Lost 4.4 pounds in 3 weeks!

--

On 1st January of 2012, I made a resolution of losing at least 11 pounds. But, I didn't get time to work out. So, I changed my schedule and took an hour to keep my promise.

Surprisingly, I lost 4.4 pounds in last 3 weeks. Its a small achievement, but made me happy! :D

Now, I'm concentrating on my diet which includes lots of fruits and non-fat dishes.

I'm starting my day at 5.30 in the morning, which was hard at first, but I could overcome my laziness as time passed! :D

My gym instructor told me that I don't contain much of fat but I have lot of muscle at unnecessary places :( 

As of now, I weigh 132 pounds!

My actual goal is to maintain 110 pounds.

I wanna continue my workouts till I get a constant weight, which doesn't increase 'just like that' if i eat a burger or pizza!

--

Have a happy weekend! 

xx

Classy look for this festive season!

Well, Well, Well...

Indiblogger is back again with a new contest with shoppersstop.com as its partner!

For this festive season, I did some online shopping on Shoppers Stop.com !

It is a tough thing for a girl to choose from many beautiful apparels and jeweler's!

Although, I found some of them which caught my eyes. Wish I could get them for real! :D

Here, I present my selection for this festive season, for both girls and boys!

Comment on them!

Click on the picture to enlarge it!

1)Not only the traditional Saree, but also Churidhar makes a girl look exceptionally simple and beautiful! Especially for those who are between 18-25 years. And this 'Rosy' colored Churidhar is one among them!

2)'Love' shaped pendant, a fine jewel which adds beauty to a girl's neck!

3)Small hanging earrings!

4)An artificial, yet a beautiful Silvery Ring for a girl's long fingers!

5)Simple Chain Bracelet, dancing on the wrist of a girl's hand!

6)A wallet is always handy for a girl! ;)

7)Calvin Klein, we are never complete without a beautiful fragrance!

--

1)Kurta-Pyjama is the most classical look for men on festivals!

2)This maroon colored stole makes a man more handsome!

3)Matching Jutis for this dress, gives a royal look!

4)Classic Silver watch!

5)Calvin Klein Blue, a cool fragrance on a festive season!

--

So this completes my ensemble for this festive season!

Visit shoppersstop.com for more details.

--

P.S: Click on the links to go to respective links. 

P.P.S: Belated Happy Diwali to my lovely readers!

Bits of my life!

Tanned innocence, broken heart.

The past always haunts!

Untold stories from life, un-confessed pain in heart.

The Never-ending love!

Sleepless nights, dreams full of hopes.

The “cheerful-crying” eyes.

--

..Again..

Fell into darkness

..again..

Will this pain of love ever end?

Feeling void

..again..

Don’t I deserve to be loved?

Disregarded by my own people

..again..

Are there no limits for betrayal?

Promises are broken

..again..

Will I ever hear a truth in my life?

-Grass-

Under the sunshine;

Thoughts like dew drops, On

 tickling green grass!

--

Written for Haiku Heights

The Silence!

Oh God!! It’s been a very long time, ver very long time since I visited my own blog. If my blog were a person, it would never excuse me for neglecting it soo much! I’m so sorry my darling…

I miss my readers too! Probably, even they gave upon me for I’m not caring to write anything. To be honest, there are a pile of reasons for my neglect. I’ll tell you one by one.

I was having exams! That was the most terrible time in my life (last 6 months). I was never in such stress due to exams. However, I completed my boards in march and secured 84%. Isn’t it enough? Oh, its too much for me as I didn’t concentrate on boards. I was studying for competitive exams. I wrote my IIT exam in April. My center was in a local engg. College. It was a good location and I enjoyed nature there. I wrote the exam well, actually not upto the mark. It means I didn’t secure any rank in IIT. Then, I wrote my EAMCET in which I got 60,000+ rank. Then, AIEEE and BITS. I didn’t write them well. I disappointed my parents terribly. You have no idea how those situations changed me! Suddenly, I felt utter fuilt for my neglect towards studies. I agree that I did not show much interest in studies. I was just floating.

But, one can’t help it. I’m in my teens!! You can imagine my terrible mind, then. I have interest towards computers, so naturally I had a question mark of “Why should I study chemistry to pursue computer science in future?”. So, I neglected the whole subject! Of course, still I don’t understand it completely! That’s how Indian education is! As I said, one can’t help it.

Another reason for my silence is, I lost my love.

I joined in Osmania University, where I met people with whom I can talk as much as I can. They are all cheerful. I also joined in certification course for English in O.U. That’s making me a bright girl everyday! I’m slowly turning to extrovert. I’m also taking course in French language. Thus, I could get out of my despair.

So, these are the reasons for my not-being-available-on-blog.

I hope, my readers would come back again and visit often. I’m looking forward to write more!

P.S: I’m longing to be heard by people now-a-days (Seriously, I was never like this!). Hang on!

As time passes...

As time passes,

Words collapse, silence prevails

Truth hurts, Lies unveil

Love happens, Hatred vanishes

People change, Memories fade

Wounds heal, Scars remain

Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional.

As time passes,

Anger turns into endless tears

Loneliness turns into defiance

Darkness turns into void

Thoughts turn into actions

Song turns into a continuous hum

Life turns into a package of mystery!

As time passes,

Everything seems like an illusion.

Everything seems like a mere dream.

Glimpse of my world!

Listen to my song,

Which is tuned with happiness.

Watch me dancing,

Every step with ecstasy.

Gaze at my paintings,

Colored with my dreams.

Glimpse while I’m smiling,

A curve which makes me complete.

Glance at my writings,

Hidden sorrow behind every word!

Freedom 'from' or Freedom 'for' ??

I was a caged parrot.

Spent many lonely days, gloomy nights looking at the sky.

Desiring for Freedom on one fine day.

People used to talk with me, for fun.

Nobody cared about my feelings.

They just took responsibility to feed me everyday.

Sometimes, I’m pleased by seeing their smiles because of me.

But, I was gloomy that no one can make me smile.

I was fighting freedom ‘from’.

I don’t know how the world is.

But, I desire for freedom.

Now, that I got freedom after struggling, after getting a bit old.

I took a wing to everywhere, to every beautiful place.

I flied to the top of mountains, almost touched the sky.

I rejoiced flying in forests.

I made new pals and also cruel foes.

No one took responsibility of me.

Everyone was selfish and mean in this cruel little world.

All these days, I fought freedom ‘from’.

But now, I don’t know what I’m going to do with this freedom.

I’m left alone. I’m tired of flying.

No one is worried about me.

No one is ready to give free meals for me.

It is hard to fight freedom ‘from’.

It is harder to survive, if you don’t know what this freedom is ‘for’. 
--

P.S: It's important for you to know about what you are going to do with your freedom. Or else, you will feel cursed. 

P.P.S: I'm sure, that I'll find it soon! ^_^

BlackOut!

From many days, I was trying to make a Black-Out poetry!

Although, this is no poetry.. but, i think it makes some sense! 

So, don't you think that, School days are actually happy ?