The Echoes

Burdening memories.

Not that she should forget them,

But,

people who hold her in their memories, should.

Memories,

burdening the shoulders.

She cannot just shrug them away.

They are deeply rooted into her body.

She has to pay the penance.

But, how?

By enduring?

Is there a way to redeem herself?

Is there a way to have freedom from memories?

Is there?

Can only hear the echoes of questions,

not the answers to them.

There are many sleepless nights.

And, dreamless sleeps'.

The void.

A voice telling her she doesn't belong here.

What's the response she's supposed to give?

That she should endure this?

Or that she knows... She doesn't belong here.

Waking up from dreamless sleep,

Finding herslef covered with scars.

What do scars tell you?

Stories?

No.

They tell you that she endured the pain.

She didnt fight back.

She isn't a rebel.

She is a girl, enduring the pain,

for the mistakes she did, for the painful memories she'd made for others.

She felt she deserved them.

But, did she really?

What happens to the cruelty that the world showed on her?

How could she find a right way without trodding upon the wrong path?

How?

Again, the echoes, and no answers.

Oh god, the endurance.

Oh god, the memories.

Oh god.

Many interests, Less time!

I had a chat with one of my facebook friend the other day. We were chatting about our interests, hobbies and ambitions in our lives. I came to know that he shares most of my interests and hobbies! I felt glad to meet such a friend of similar tastes.

Other than science, I am also interested in things which a girl is usually interested in. Things like drawing, painting, playing keyboard, poetry, reading books, watching a lot of movies, swimming, riding a bicycle, craft work like making our own jewellery from scraps of old jewellery and so on…too many to list here. Every day another new interest which challenges my brain or amuses me is added into the list. Sometimes, I feel like making few of these hobbies as my career. Earn money by doing that hobby all my life. I want to become a writer. A librarian, so that I can keep reading all my life, lost in my own world with them. An artist, painting the reflection of a thought coming to my mind or captured by my soul. Starting business related to jewellery because a pretty woman always searches for something which compliments her beauty. Sometimes, I want to become a nutritionist. I love to own some acres of land and become a farmer from where I get most of my food which is organic. I love to teach, so I want to become a teacher. I love to travel, so I want to travel lot many places and want to teach as many students as possible in different states of my country.

There are many hobbies which I want to do all my life! Such things put me in confusion! I feel like, why do I even have these interests in my life? I feel happy for I can do a lot of things. But, then it bugs me because I have to leave most of them to pursue my chosen career after few years and don’t find time to do most of the things which I want to do. I know I can make some time for the things I want to do the most, but life doesn’t treat you fairly always.

I am jealous of those people who have one goal to reach in their life. I am jealous for they can put all the energy they have only to achieve it and not getting distracted from other things. I am jealous of people who have a clear vision about the thing which they feel as ‘life’ to them.

Wish, I had such clear vision to achieve something in particular, an absolute one. But, NO! I don’t have an absolute thing to reach in my life. I want to achieve many things, be many things in my life. I just wish, I knew the way! I hope, time can give me the answer which I need.

Sunday Scribblings - Page 5 of 365

Well, well, well…

Its been a long.. I mean very LONG time since I wrote anything on my blog!!

Ah, it feels almost alone and empty! I’m sorry for my readers too. I know that I lost some of the regular readers.. But, I hope I could make it upto them in this post.

I wish you a happy new year, belated ofcourse. To be frank, I wasn’t enthusiastic to welcome this new year.. It doesn’t yet seem like a new year to me. The reason I am not writing much now a days is I don’t feel like writing anything or sharing anything. I was losing the intrest to share something from my personal life. And yeah, nothing was going well in past few months. But, it is getting better and better since few weeks. So, my present status is “I’m trying to be my old self again, which means to be happy”.

I didn’t make any particular resolutions this year and I’m happy to say that I did most of the things I ought to do in 2013. I got good grades in my academics which made my parents damn happy. And, they increased my pocket money as a reward. I’m happy for that! I lost weight!!! That’s a god damn good news to me every time I lose one kilo. Now, I weigh 56 kilos(I used to weigh 62 kilos). I should lose 6 more kilos and maintain it. I also lost 1 inch from my belly! Well, it doesn’t sound much of a thing to lose, but it makes a difference. Atleast, for girls. Many told that I look pretty now. Few said that they loved the chubby chubby personality of mine. For me, I should say that I look happy for losing some weight. In last year, I started studying too much now a days. Not for grades, but for my curiosity. I enrolled for some classes in Mathematics and Physics in coursera.org and edx.org. I recommend to everyone to learn something new from these websites. Its not about only science, but everything. Let it be about Art or music or architecture…They contain courses which are free for students to learn from International Universities. I am proud to say that I completed my Pre-Calculus and Calculus One courses and earned online certificates from University of Irvine and Ohio State University respectively. In 2013, I lost few of my friends due to some reasons but I’m happy to say that I’m doing good without them ‘cause I feel that I need not fight for people who doesn’t want me in their life. I felt stupid when I realized that fact. I felt like I wasted too much of time on them to make our relationship continue. But, everything was in vain. It was for nothing. I also met few great friends who taught me about the value of having a good relationship with people. I learnt a lot about relationships last year. I started spending time with my parents, specially with my mom. We have been to many places last year, spent money on shopping. We had fun eating in hotels and restaurants. I found a friend in my mom after all these years. When I was a kid, I read an article in newspaper and remember a quote from that which says ‘Parents can be friends with their children. But, first they should act like parents before trying to be a friend’. I felt like ‘Damn, someone read my mind!!’. My parents used to take extra care of me when I didn’t need that at all. But, now they don’t and they understood that very well. They give space for me to think and act on my own terms. They respect my decisions. I’m happy for things going well between me and my parents.

Hmm! So, these are few things from my 2013! Its been great and I learnt a lot without any doubt! I’m happy to write down all these in my blog. As a matter of fact, I miss writing about me. I miss penning down my thoughts and call them as poems. Haha. I miss it! I miss the comments from my readers.

So, one resolution which I want to make now is to keep writing and expressing my feelings on my blog more often. I hope you had a great year too, my lovely reader. I wish all happiness and luck in your new ventures!